Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
