I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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