Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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