But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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