I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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