there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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