hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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