I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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