I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
