just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
