apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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