Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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