That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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