i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
