Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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