Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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