I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize