her vagine was all disorganized.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
