When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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