Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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