Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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