Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
