OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
