he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Congratulations! We have a period
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