So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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