Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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