U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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