i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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