this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
