remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
