Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize