Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
