This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
