I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
