fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
