I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
