But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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