Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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