whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
