Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She told me I should be a condom model.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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