Soap is not a condiment
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
