While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
