Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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