non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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