I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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