am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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