I showed him my bush... on skype.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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