Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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