I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
