I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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