a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
