I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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