I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
