The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
