Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
