I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
