Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
