In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
