Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
