My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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