I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
