We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
