He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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