Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
